You will live forever, Michael Jackson!

I wrote a post exactly one year ago, and I post it again today exactly after a year, and I strongly feel that you were never gone. Here's to you, MJ, you will live forever in my heart, and in the heart of the millions of fans all over the world.

Here it goes:

I woke up this morning to a shock. MJ no more. I was bathing when my brother pounded the door of the bathroom to give me the news. I was shocked! MJ no more! What? And then, I cried. [It's very unusual for me considering the fact that I never wept even one single tear when people in my family expired one after the other] No MJ! Are you really gone?...

It's very difficult for me to type all this out. On one hand I HAVE to blog about this. And on the other hand my brother is playing MJ songs on the music system. This is very very difficult...

...You never said goodbye

Someone tell me why

Did you have to go

And leave my world so cold...

[You are not alone]

Michael Jackson songs have virtually shaped my life.. My childhood, my teenage, the first CD I ever bought was "The Best Of MJ". It had 2 parts. And the 2 cd's played all the time. I remember when MJ had come to India. I was 9 years old that time, and I used to live very close to the Sports Complex in Mumbai, where his concert was held. My elder brother was a die hard fan of MJ. He was cool 'coz he listened to english songs. He told me and my 5 yr old brother all about it. He used to train us to dance like MJ. It was so much fun! And then, on the day when the concert was to happen, all 3 of us stood on the building terrace, and saw the chopper fly right above us. We were so excited! Jumping, screaming, running, dancing... And the chopper had actually stopped at one spot between our building and sports complex. We actually thought it stopped so MJ could wave at us. Those were the days!

And then we watched it all Live on TV. MJ landed on the stage in a "Spacecraft" and then he came out and gave the best performace I have ever seen of anyone in my entire life. We had recorded it all on a video cassette. All the noise, the blood rush, ladies fainting, enter ambulance, the policemen, every thing. And after the concert was over, the 3 of us played the video cassette in slow motion every single evening, after we returned from school, and practiced all those moves. We never got the moonwalk right, except for my bro who did it almost like that!

That was just the beginning of a love affair. The love affair with pop music. The love affair with a superstar. When I was 13, I still remember, my elder cousin sister had gone to the extent of cutting her wrist with a compass needle to carve "MJ" inside a heart. The carvings on the wall of the terrace of my old building, nothing can erase them. They're still there. I will always love you MJ.

Yeah, so what if he was accused of all the wrong things? So what if he did get into all that? We all make mistakes! He was punished so much because he was so good at heart. The man who shot his documentary actually frauded MJ and released it on worldwide TV. MJ had trusted him. Isn't that wrong? But that doesn't matter. Nothing matters. 'Coz MJ is no more :(

... I used to dream

I used to glance beyond the stars

Now I don't know where we are

Although I know we've drifted far ...

[Earth Song]

I love you MJ, We love you, Mumbai loves you, and I am sure India does too... And Mumbai skies are crying 'coz we have lost you today. Rest In Peace. This is not the end. You will stay in the millions and trillions and gazillions of hearts of people like us all around the world.

Horns and Halos

I have been inspired to write this poem by my blogger buddy Rag. This one is a response to his poem Alter Halo, and also a sequel to my earlier composition, Transformation.

You wish yourself a lot of things

You wished, had things been alright

You would not ask for a better someone

Nor wish he had never occurred.

You showcased denial; you faced your trial,

Standing in the middle of nowhere you wonder

What went wrong? Why did you falter?

You ignored and avoided his constant voices,

You rendered deaf ears; I know you heard him alright

Why dig your past? You already made your choices.

Why did you not confront the snake that did not bite?

While your sore eyes close; to sleep, awake to nightmares,

He lives his night, Isn’t he the ghost of your sight?

As you wait for a new beginning,

You try erasing your past,

But mind you, it’s all in vain,

He will last as long as you last.

Enter the Angel, I am not the Ghost,

I will not witness, I will warn and try,

Don’t lend me your deaf ear,

For I speak wise, I will brush

Your sore eyes while they fall asleep

To a new world of dreams,

But here is my first warning,

Do not try to kill him now,

Not now, not ever, not till its forever.

For Ghosts, they have no existence,

But they exist where Angels do,

When you accept me into your life,

Make sure you take him too.

As you trot this Globe,

Gather the knowledge of the wise,

And selfishly live your dream,

We will watch you shine,

We shall talk, take you into confidence,

And now again, the choice will be yours.

But remember this now and always,

It is not how hard you get hit in life,

It is how hard you get hit, and still keep going.

Dead and Gone

I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight.....

Lately I have been approached by a couple of my old friends from school, they are my close friends. They say, I have changed. From what I was before. It's a drastic difference in how I have been behaving in this span of 4 years. I agree with them. But does friendship change?

I was a complete "Filmy Character" till I was 18 years old. I used to talk a lot [endlessly], trust people too easily, love people unconditionally, expect a lot from everyone around me, and blame things a lot on every body else. My life was like an open book. I used to live in a reel life world, where I am running in a dark forest, when a knight in shining armor comes to rescue me on his white horse and then takes me away on a land far, far away.. I used to imagine myself in every movie that I watched that time. Every single movie. I used to even dress in loud tacky ways with temporary tattoos on each arm [One with a cupid and the other with a heart]. Sigh.. Those were the days when I could just be as stupid as I liked. And ofcourse, friendship back then was like.. Sharing everything! Right from the sizes of our everything to how many times we went to the loo to every thing about our love lives. Those were the days!

And then, I went away from home, away from friends, at a land far,far away, hoping to find my prince charming there, with a million dreams in my eyes. Enter the real life. I got a smack on my head every single day. I learnt new things. I had to "judge" people now. I had to worry about right and wrong all of a sudden. Most of all, I had to be responsible now. I still tried to be the same one, trusting every one, caring for every one, loving every one, and letting every one know every thing about me. But well, I learnt what life is in a very very hard way. I learnt, I lived, I coped up, and eventually I got good at it. It is what I am now.

In the 4 years that I was away, I spoke to my friends back in India a handful of times, and according to me, it was the same old conversation, atleast from my side, and it felt like we had spoken just yesterday. I spoke and spoke and spoke, but I could feel the reluctance in their voices, wanting to say things but not being able to, just because I was calling from a long distance. Ah well, inspite of me asking, the answer was always, "Everything is fine".

I got back to India last June, as a changed person, and I have been having trouble adjusting eversince. I am still adjusting with every thing around me. Especially friendships. I have stopped socialising. One reason is because I love being alone, second being that I will feel left alone in a crowd. After a lot of coaxing [from their side] I met my close friends last November. It was just like before [from my side again] and we spoke endlessly. The reply from the opposite end was still "Everything is fine".

Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone

After 6 months, I come to know that there was nothing fine. Things were harshly wrong with this friend of mine. I think she decided herself that it was time that she stopped sharing stuff with her old buddies. We just stood amazed and wondering, as she threw bombs of shocking realities one after the other on us. I thought that things were supposed to be the same.. But they weren't. Nonetheless, we thought this was the incident that would bridge the gap between us and things would be hunky dorie again.

Now, I receive a call, last month, and my friend [the same one] says that I am not the same anymore. She thinks I have changed. She thinks I hide stuff. She thinks I don't tell her things. Really? What were you doing wandering on the streets last night in Mumbai all alone all night, when you told me you would be reaching home? Why did you tell me that you wanted to meet me, when really you wanted an excuse to meet someone else? Is this your friendship? Really? And I have changed...?

......I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright...

... I love this song.

Friendship is nothing less than a Love affair, and a Love affair is nothing more than friendship.
-As said by The Rugged Heiress